Edinburgh Fringe 2015 – Daily Blog – Day 11 – Friday 14th August

The Smell of Success

At the Fringe today I had the pleasure of guesting alongside Rod Hunter and Les Sinclair in their show “Old Men in Black” which is on every day at 2.40pm in The Beehive Inn.

The room was full and the audience demographic was mostly 50 +.


This made for a great gig as the audience had a better understanding of the material coming from three middle aged comics that they clearly identified with!

They call this demographic, the “Grey Pound”!


They’re all loaded and when we put the bucket out at the end we had a very nice surprise as the level of donations made the gig quite worthwhile.

We shared the money out and I was handed some notes, mainly fivers, and put these into my wallet, at the same time, I became aware of the stench of dampness or pish!whats that smell






I presumed it was coming from either Rod or Les, who had, just completed the gig and, clearly sweated for their grey pounds, though, being a well-mannered person I said nothing, reserving my comments instead till this moment for publication in my blog.

Rod, Les and I, parted ways and I thought nothing more of it until about 7.30 this evening when I noticed the same pishy damp smell again, this time, as I bought a bottle of water from the bar in The Beehive Inn.

nose peg

I got my bottle of water, put my wallet away and left the bar to do my show and forgot about it.

Until about 10.30pm when, at home, I opened my wallet to pay for some Indian food we had delivered to us.

There it was again, the stench of pish and dampness, it was coming from my wallet!



I took out the notes, about thirty pounds in total, all in fivers and there it was, the most disgusting, grubby, pish stained, Fiver I have ever seen.

It was absolutely Reekin’!

scabby fiver

I accept that the Grey Pound is a major part of the modern economy but for the love of God, do they really have to keep their money in their incontinence knickers?

Anyway, not to worry, by the time you read this it will be the Santander Bank’s problem!

The Audition Piece

Her Indoors helped me to produce a self-tape today for the purposes of securing an audition for a Feature film about to be shot in Ibiza, in September.

The character is a gun toting, drug dealing, Scottish criminal enforcer!

ganster with pistol






No acting required!

One particular scene had me pulling a gun on two other gangsters whilst delivering dialogue to camera.

To accomplish this I had to learn eight pages of script in the space of 90 minutes, set up a video camera and a tripod, source four different locations and find props such as an airsoft pistol, fake cigarettes and a bag of cocaine. (It’s amazing what’s avaialble on the streets of Edinburgh in August)

I then had to shoot each of the four scenes with Her Indoors delivering the other actors’ lines from behind the camera, upload the wee films onto my PC and then into dropbox for sending to my agent, who will then pass the link onto the Casting Director who, in turn, will decide if I am right for the part and then instruct my agent to ask me to attend an audition down in London, next week!

All in, the entire process took about seven hours of our time. We had to demonstrate significant directing, producing, and acting ability just to get the chance of being considered for a minor part in a low budget film!

movie mayhem





Talk about jumping through hoops!

jumping through hoops






des exposed

Today saw the first episode of Des Clarke Exposed broadcast on BBC Radio Scotland!

This is a six part comedy series incorporating stand-up and sketches written and performed by Des Clarke in front of a live Studio Audience.

I was also fortunate enough to be hired as a performer on this great show!

professor mearns

You can  listen live on BBC radio Scotland at 13.30 each Friday over the next six weeks, or listen to the repeated shows a few days after. Failing this you can click on the BBC i-player anytime to listen again.


Des will be exposing himself a lot through August and September, shame it’s on the radio, you will just have to use your imagination!

Here’s the link: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b065xbd6

And here’s a link to a wee clip of the recording that we filmed:


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