Edinburgh Fringe 2015 – Daily Blog – Day 6 – Sunday 9th August

Beating a Hasty Retreat

I suppose one thing about being a relatively unknown comedian in this world is that sometimes people can come to your show at The Fringe and have no idea who you are or what your attitude or material is like.

alan carr

frankie boyle

 

 

 

 

lee evans
john bishop

 

 

 

 

 

For famous comedians that’s not really an issue, I suppose there are people who prefer Alan Carr to Frankie Boyle or Lee Evans to John Bishop and as such would go to see their preferred comedian with a certain degree of certainty about what they are likely to encounter.

Tonight at the Fringe a wee man in a red T-shirt and a bum bag came in, on his own, and took a seat along with the rest of this evening’s audience!

belgium

I came on and started my show as usual and tonight there were some Belgian students in so we had a bit of improvised banter back and forth which the vast majority of the audience enjoyed, judging by the laughs, but not this wee man!

 

 

 

No! He got up abruptly at the mention of a certain Mr Jimmy Saville’s name and made straight for the door!

running away

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hard Time

I don’t get that many walkout’s but when I do I always feel a bit disappointed but it’s not normally that much of an issue.

However, there was one particular walkout that was quite memorable.

It occurred at Saughton Prison in Edinburgh a few years ago, and it was during the fringe.

It was just after the Gilded Balloon burned down and they were desperate for venue spaces!

No but, seriously!

I was booked, along with a few others, to do a gig for the inmates!

I have done quite a few shows in prisons and normally they’re great shows and the inmates really seem to appreciate them, well I suppose they don’t get out that much!

On this particular occasion, right in the middle of my set, one of the inmates got up and said “Fuck this, this guy’s shite, I want to go back in my cell”

The prison officers had no choice but to let him leave the room and escort him back to his cell because, as it was explained to me later, that to make him stay would have been a violation of his human rights.

Howzat for a recommendation, a man would rather be dubbed up in prison 23 hours a day than watch me do my comedy!

in jail

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Sleeping Beauty

And that’s not all that happened tonight.

Apart from the wee red t-shirt man I had a pished up old MILF fall asleep on me and all of this happened within the first ten minutes of the show!

At the point where I noticed the lady was asleep I had been talking about drinking and dying in my sleep and a few in the room thought the old bird had expired!

There was silence for about 20 seconds and just in the same way an old person wakes up the minute you switch off their telly, she woke up and said “Raymond I love you, do you want my phone number?”

We all heaved a huge sigh of relief and the gig faltered on toward it’s inexorable conclusion!

At the end she wouldn’t leave until I took a note of her number!

So I took her number, out of politeness, and she left!

She must be a really deep sleeper though.

At the time of writing, it’s now 2.54am on Monday morning and the old bint hasn’t answered a single one of my calls all night!

Fuckin Old Cock Teaser!

drunk old lady

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