Edinburgh Fringe 2015 – Daily Blog – Day 4 – Friday 7th August

D-DAY – The Battle Officially Commences

I am guilty as charged of perpetrating a falsehood – many of you will have been under the impression that the Fringe had actually started with the commencement of this blog three days ago, but unfortunately, that is not the case!

Today is D-Day! The official start of The Edinburgh Festival Fringe, and Edinburgh, or as I like to call it “London’s Loft Conversion” will be, for the next 24 days; a fuckin “Loony Bin”

Every deluded, self-obsessed, wank-pot with, an excessive emotional hole to fill, has descended upon our Nation’s (sic) capital to “do a turn” and I am no exception!

edinburgh fringe





Post Referendum Paranoia

And this includes a load of wankers from the press!

I was accosted this evening by a journalist from The Spectator asking me if there was going to be another referendum. And, being a delusional cross dressing stunt double for Nicola Sturgeon I answered, in my best Kenny Dalglish voice; mibbes aye, mibbes naw!


Being a humourless cunt and affecting an air of spasmodic retardation he asked me what I meant?

I then said, in the words of one of my all time favourite movie character’s, Jimmy Rabbite, from the commitments; “I’m fucked if I know”

jimmy rabbite







I then threw the question back at him!

I asked him what he thought, and he said, “As a Journalist – HE DIDN’T HAVE AN OPINION”

He said he was merely “A WINDOW THROUGH WHICH PEOPLE COULD SEE THE TRUTH” at which point I said that “I was the brick that was going to get put through that window if he didn’t FUCK OFF!”

smashed window





The Best Of Scottish Comedy

The said journalist, whose name was Lloyd (never gave me his surname) approached me as I was doing the MC shift at The Best of Scottish Comedy at the Stand Comedy Club.

I am honoured to be the first MC at the first show in the Fringe 2015 run of “The Best of Scottish” at The Stand – Scotland’s National Theatre of Stand Up Comedy and incidentally the operators of one of the finest comedy clubs in the UK, if not the World – The Stand Comedy Club in Glasgow!

the stand logo





Tonight’s show was sensational and with Fern Brady, John Gillick and Gary Little doing the spots.

fern brady

john gillick

gary little




Great comedians and great friends, especially big Gary, who I had the pleasure of going on tour with to Thailand in 2012

The Love Boat

We did some corporate gigs and some club gigs and we made it our mission, across the seven days, to “Mooch” a free evening meal every night of the tour.

In the first five days we had a ball. We got well fed every night in restaurants and hotel’s operated by friends of the promoter.

Night number 5 was the big “Saint Andrews Society” main sponsors dinner and we had everything from rolls and square sausage, through to curry and then onto deep fried Mars Bars (it’s a Scottish thing), but the next night was our night off and we were to be left to our own devices! Subway Beckoned.

The Saint Andrews Society are a charitable body and, as expected, held a charity raffle, and Big Gary won a prize! It was a meal for two on the Couple’s in Love Dining Cruise on Bangkok’s Chao Phraya River!

love boat dinner






So there was me and Big Gary on this Bangkok “Love Boat” eating an amazing five course exotic / erotic meal surrounded by hundreds of married western tourist couples and do you know the weirdest thing about this?

We were the only couple having a conversation.

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