Edinburgh Fringe 2015 – Daily Blog – Day 22 – Tuesday 25th August

Getting Near the Finish Line

It has now caught up with me, I’m exhausted.


As I write this blog I am totally spent, I did not get back from Edinburgh till 3am early Wednesday morning as I was performing at “The Best of Scottish Comedy” at The Stand!

Immediately after the show finished, instead of coming straight home, I made the fatal mistake of going out and hunting for a slice of quiche!

As John Scott had mentioned it onstage during the show and he gave me a notion for it!







I have no idea where you get quiche at 1am in Edinburgh so I had no option but to settle for Haggis and Chips! As I had mentioned that in my blog, the other day, and it gave me a notion for it!

edinburgh haggis

I was going to eat the haggis and chips whilst driving home but this would make it difficult as I often surf the web as well whilst driving and I didn’t want to get a citation for driving with “undue care and attention” so I ate it in the street!

This merely prolonged and lengthened an already long and hard day

Manual Labour

Tuesday started when I was rudely awakened at 8am by a guy delivering a skip, which was ordered to make space for the aforementioned treadmill.


Have skip must fill, and so begun the process of clearing the garage of all of its crap which was to go into the skip, all except liquids and electrical items which had to be taken up to the council recycling centre separately, in my car.

By noon, the skip was filled to bursting, I had been to the council recycling centre and the garage was cleared.

In addition to the excessive amount of manual labour described above I also had to remove the smell of mould from an old guitar case.

How clean is your case?

The guitar case is lined with fake fur and it just has that old mouldy, musty smell which, if you leave the guitar in the case for any length of time, will transfer itself to the instrument and nobody wants to jam with a smelly guitar.

guitar case





I have another guitar case that smells of chocolate and when you take that guitar out and play it you are thinking thoughts of Mint Aero hmmm. (the guitar is Seafaom Green in colour)

Anyway to solve this problem, on top of everything else I have been doing, I have been on the internet researching the varying processes for the removal of bad smells from fabric and so, set about applying the following:

According to The Internet; cheap vodka will take away the smell of mould from clothing and fabric!

So I bought:

1 x 35cl bottle of vodka (generic supermarket brand)

5 x Small foil baking trays

5 x Small cardboard party bowls

2 x Cartons of Bicarbonate of Soda

1 x Neutradol Car Odour Destroyer

1 x Chupa Chups Blueberry Air freshener.

The weather was very nice in Glasgow today so what I did was I took the guitar case out into the back garden and left it open on a patio chair. I then poured some of the vodka into a spray bottle and sprayed this onto the inside of the case.

I didn’t soak the case in vodka, I just covered it with a light to medium dusting and left it in the sun to dry for an hour.

I had to be vigilant, however and kept a keen eye on the case as there is a cat next door, a big fat ginger tom, and I am certain he was looking at my guitar case thinking, “hmm There’s a nice place for a piss”

I stood at the kitchen window watching and on two occasions I had to shoo the big ginger bastard away because I have no procedure at hand for the removal of cat piss!

cat in case






Anyway once the case had dried, I had a sniff and the smell had definitely been reduced

I then took the guitar case indoors and laid it flat on a table.

I poured one carton of bicarbonate of soda each into one of the foil baking trays each and sat one tray at the bottom of the case and one at the top where the headstock rests!

This is to take away any moisture remaining in the case.

I then put the Neutradol gel into a small cardboard bowl and sat that in the case as well to remove any remaining odour and I will leave the case like that for two weeks.

After the two weeks is up I will remove the trays of bicarbonate of soda and the bowl of Neutradol and then throw in the blueberry air freshener with some silica gel bags and this should do the trick

This is too much

Looking at the counter on the Microsoft word program it seems that I have written in excess of 800 words about cleaning a garage and a fuckin guitar case.

I havent even got to the bit about arguing with my doctor about my drinking and dying on my arse for ten quid at the pick of the fringe! You know it was just one of those days!

No wonder I’m exhausted!

Unless you are an anally retentive type or in the guitar case cleaning business then you’re probably thinking; what a load of Pish!







“We want to hear about you fighting with Doctors and dying on your arse”

You will! I assure you! And I promise also to write about the reason why I didnt just buy some Fabreze and spray that on the guitar case. It’s because it reminds me of a manky old MILF I was banging a few years ago, who used to clean her duvet with fabreze! It was a very dark time for me and is the absolute last thing I need to be reminded of everytime I take my guitar out of it’s case.

Fuck this! I need to go to bed.


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