Australia – It’s a great country but dangerous!

Hello Fans, I recently returned from Perth, Australia where I did my show pretty much every night between 18th January and 17th February and if you don’t believe me here’s the poster to prove it!


It’s a great country, the weather is awesome, especially in Western Australia, where it was 29C the day I arrived and then climbed to 40C the next day!

It’s hotter than anywhere I have ever been and believe you me, I have been in hot places like Bournemouth!

But if the heat doesn’t get you the insects will!

The insects in Australia are massive and deadly!

The cockroaches are huge! You might just be walking along the street and then you see something move out of the corner of your eye, which grabs your attention and when you look you see that it’s some class of an insect!

Aussie Cockroach

And it was one of these, obviously that’s not the actual size, especially if you’re reading this blog on your smartphone, it’s way bigger, it’s so big it came up to me, reared up to it’s full height, wrestled me to the ground and pinned me down as it went through my pockets. The thieving bastard stole my wallet, but I got the last laugh as it was only my first day in Australia and my wallet was full of Scottish banknotes. Ha ha, that will teach the six legged, shit for brains bawbag!

Not long after that I got stung, not bitten but stung! by an Australian Bull Ant and the pain was excruciating!

Aussie Bull Ant

This horrible fucker was hanging around inside my trousers, no lease, no tenancy agreement, no rent paid, just squatting down the left leg of my breeks and I don’t know what I did to upset it but talk about biting the hand that feeds you or rather stinging the leg that keeps you! I still have a pock mark on my leg from the sting and it happened about 4 weeks ago.

Anyway, despite dicing with death, dodging ants, cockroaches and sunburn I had a great time and my solo shows were very well received by all who came along and you can get the chance to see this great show when it comes to a theatre near you!

here is the poster with all the dates of the Scottish Tour.

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