Edinburgh Fringe 2015 – Daily Blog – Day 18 – Friday 21st August

Nobody bats an Eye

It never occurred to me until today that Edinburgh is full to bursting with every conceivable freak and weirdo and what’s brilliant about this? Nobody bats an eye!

bare chested clown

Bare chested clowns with no shoes on, walk up and down occasionally poking complete strangers on the bum and we all smile thinking, Oh it’s just a half naked clown touching someone up, that’s Edinburgh!

Imagine if it happened in the St Enoch Centre in Glasgow! The jails would be full to bursting or the mortuary!

I was handing out some flyers when a man carrying a twelve foot cross (I suspect it was a religious thing) just walked past me and all I could think was: “There’s a guy carrying a twelve foot cross, that looks cumbersome”

man with cross

 

 

 

 

 

at that precise moment however, I was distracted by a guy juggling chainsaws on a unicycle!

chainsaw unicycle

 

 

 

I watched that for a few moments, shrugged my shoulders and then just carried on flyering.

 

 

The Pitch

flyerers 1

 

 

 

 

 

When you’re handing out flyers you have to engage with your potential audience and one or two performers have asked me about what to say when approaching people at first.

I use a number of lines depending on how I think they may be received.

Here they are:

If it’s a couple: “Hello there sir, can I lure you and your lovely wife in, to see me show?”

Or, if it’s a group of girls: “Hello there girls can I lure you into a wee room to talk dirty to you?”

flyering 2

Sometimes, depending upon how they’re dressed, I might say:

“You look like discerning cultured types, would I be right?”

If they say no, I reply

“Great! Then come and see this, it’s an hour of pure filth!”

Or, if they say yes (they’re probably complete wankers), I reply

“That’s a shame, because this is just Filth!”

wankers club

 

 

 

 

As the show is called “Growing Old Disgracefully” I often pitch to people who are in the same age range as me (nobody under 25) as I suspect they may be more able to identify with my material.

Couples, especially, are always prime targets.

flyering 1

I may approach them with something like:

“Hello you two lovebirds, are you interested in some essential relationship advice?”

This peaks the interest of the girl who is always the main decision maker in these cases.

I then sell the show to her on the very real premise that I am divorced / useless boyfriend material and that her man will benefit from watching my show.

I know these lines all sound cheesy but IT WORKS!

However, when all said and done, it’s about the energy you are giving out and how you say the words.

Be positive, maintain eye contact and Smile!

To paraphrase Al Capone, “You will go a lot further with a flyer and a smile than with just a flyer alone!”

al capone

 

 

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