The Edinburgh Diet
Some performers say they lose weight during the Fringe due to the long days which consist of performing at various shows, flyering and walking around the centre of the city which is all hills.
I cannot personally identify with that because I eat and drink too much of the wrong types of things and at the wrong times.
Edinburgh Chip shops in particular are immense and I am powerless against them.
The Clam Shell on The Royal Mile is more than a chippy, it’s doesn’t just sell food it sells weapons of mass destruction!
You can buy a thing in there called a “Wolfdog!”
A “Wolfdog” is a large hotdog. It seems to have a higher meat content than your average large hotdog and tastes good but what they do at the clamshell is, inject this thing with cheese, wrap bacon all around it and serve it with a large portion of chips, a perfectly healthy end to the day after you have consumed six pints of lager.
The French / Scottish fusion take-away van on the Grassmarket has taken a leaf out of the Clamshell’s book by concocting “The French Hotdog”.
It is two hotdogs in a toasted French baguette topped with onions, melted cheese and sweet chilli sauce.
It’s delicious but impossible to eat as you end up wearing most it and apart from the Baguette, what exactly makes this a French Hotdog? I bet you couldn’t buy this anywhere in France!
My all time favourite take-away food however, in an Edinburgh Chippy, is a “Haggis Supper! (Haggis and Chips)
You can’t really get the same thing in Glasgow.
In Glasgow when you order a Haggis Supper you get a long haggis pudding (similar to a black pudding – shown below on the left) and chips but in Edinburgh they serve a half bung end, which is a full haggis cut into two, dipped in batter and deep fried (shown below on the right).
The Edinburgh haggis is a lot better as it’s softer, the Glasgow haggis tends to go rock hard very quickly if it’s left on the heated shelf for any length of time, whereas the Edinburgh Haggis seems to be much more resilient.
In Edinburgh, it’s served with chips, then, it’s covered in salt and sauce.
Now that’s also the fundamental difference between Glasgow and Edinburgh!
And, as a Glasgow man, I feel like a traitor to my kind because I prefer my chips drizzled, Edinburgh fashion!
In Glasgow you get salt and vinegar on chips but in Edinburgh you get salt and sauce (my mouth is watering as a type this), the sauce in Edinburgh is brown sauce watered down with vinegar so you get more bang for your buck, and it’s really thin and runny so don’t eat before a show unless you have a change of clothes.
Is it any wonder I’m a fat bastard?
The Glass Cheque is no more
AG Barr, the company responsible for Irn Bru has announced that there will no longer be a 30p deposit refunded when returning a glass bottle to the shop!
In a world of falling oil prices, this further weakens the Scottish Economy and given that my garage is full of empty Irn Bru bottles significantly reduces the value of my pension pot!
When I heard the news at first I was very concerned for obvious reasons but thankfully when details emerged it will be phased in so be advised people that you have until the end of the year to gather these valuable assets together and arrange a cash transfer through your financial adviser or local shop.
This process known, in financial circles, as “Gingey Mooching” will be consigned to History in 2016 and, looking back on recent changes to the regulatory framework, it seems inevitable that Gingey Mooching’s days were numbered when the cost of carrier bags was set at 5p
The Humble carrier bag is an essential element in the process of Mooching as they’re used to transport the Gingey’s or Glass Cheque’s to the shop and with each carrier bag now costing 5p this applies addition cost pressure to the already significant risk of being caught in the act and having to suffer the shame and indignity of forever being branded a “Gingey Moocher!”
In the immortal words of Bob Dylan “The Times they are a changin'”