Edinburgh Fringe 2015 – Daily Blog – Day 24 – Thursday 27th August

Interesting, the people you meet

Whilst giving out flyers on the Grassmarket, you meet all sorts of people from everywhere and have conversations about anything and everything.

Today I met a Scottish couple who live in Kuala Lumpur and when I said “KL, brilliant I love KL” they said “bullshit, you’ve never been in KL in your life ya lying bawbag” or something like that!

But I have. I went to KL in January 2012 to do a comedy turn at a Burns Supper for the Selangor St Andrews Society and that trip was a blast!

kuala lumpur

Whilst on the trip I was taken around the city by one of the St Andrews boys and we met some really interesting people, amongst them a man by the name of Jochen Kern.

jochen kern

Jochen is a lovely elderly German Guy who is a world renowned chef and Director of the School of Culinary Arts in Malaysia, and during our conversation I asked him “who is the most famous person you ever cooked for?”

He reeled off the names of some very rich and famous people but the one that stood out was; Saddam Hussein!


I said “Bullshit, ya lying auld bawbag” but thankfully that doesn’t translate into German








It turns out, however, that Jochen was Saddam’s personal chef for a wee while just before the point he was overthrown.

I asked him if Saddam had any special culinary requirements or if he was a fussy eater and Jochen said “No, he always ate his dinner and he always ate what I made him, he never complained”

saddam at dinner






“He was also quite fond of Johnny Walker Black Label”

I asked “what was he like?”

Jochen said “He was a good laugh, especially when he was pished!”

“George Bush didn’t seem to think so” I said

“Well he didn’t really know him, but Saddam was okay!”

Jochen continued;

“Just before the Allies came to take him down, he came into my kitchen and said; Jochen these bawbag’s are coming for me, so you better fuck off before the party starts, here’s your holiday pay and here’s the keys to a van, Damascus is that way”

saddam pointing






“He pointed to the West bound highway”

“I got into the van, started her up and found that it was filled with cigarettes and cases of Johnny Walker Black Label.”

driving desert2





I think that’s a lovely wee story, but it, sounds so much better when it’s told in a strong German Accent.

The Water of Life

Whilst we are on the subject of Johnny Walker Black Label, readers of this blog will know, I have more than a passing interest in the Uisge Beatha and have, on occasion, tanked some of the best bevvy on the planet!

johnny walker black







The obsession with Scotch Whisky, has gotten so extreme, I tend to use vodka these days as a cleaning product.

You may recall from an earlier blog, I even get into fights over whisky.

bar fights





Specifically the age of Talisker!

An eagle eyed reader got in touch, through Her Indoors, and corrected my earlier assertion that 12 year old Talisker doesn’t exist!

It seems that it does!

Don’t you just hate it when some smart arse proves you wrong, however, in my defence the barney in the restaurant over the age of Talisker took place around 2001 and this stuff wasn’t produced till 2007!

Don’t you just hate it when a distillery brings out a bottle just to make you look like a twat! 12 year old talisker

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